tldr; my bf is essentially 100% asexual, and i am hypersexual. we are so in love romantically that breaking up over this would mean a lifetime of regret for us both. what can we do?

i apologize for two things: i dont really use reddit, so for if im doing it wrong, and then the fact that this will be LONG, but it would mean a lot to me if anyone read it all and had some advice as im feeling very lost.

lets get into it. heads up i will be describing our sex life and some past traumas. so, I(20f) and my bf(21m) have been together 5 years. he is the man of my dreams in nearly every way, and he is what most people wait all their lives for. he compliments me daily, makes me feel smart, respected, i could go on but thats not the point here. our biggest area of struggle is our sex life. in the beginning, i thought he was just a very anxious and inexperienced person when it came to sex, because he just seemed very shy and nervous, pretty much the exact same as me. i wont go further into detail as we were minors at that time. for some context, we have both suffered severe sexual trauma. in the very beginning, he was dating this girl, and i joined when i met them, making us a poly couple. this girl is very messed up, and she messed us up badly, specifically in the sex department. "no" was something we werent allowed to say, and it was entirely one sided in her favor. both of us have fairly severe ptsd from her(again, this was when we were teens). thankfully shes been out of the picture almost 4 years, and neither of us want a polyamorous relationship again. when we became adults, he said he was starting to feel weird about sex and probably was not going to want it more. he thought it was due to trauma. since then weve been going through cycles, and none of them good. at first, he said that, but then would also kind of send other signals. he would still be sexually flirty(which is something weve always been with each other, even if we hadnt done "it" in months), he would initiate, he would make it clear he wanted me to do things to him. sometimes, it would seem like he would get me worked up, and act as if we were awaiting a night of fun, and then when the time came, act clueless. this started to cause fights, which started to get mixed responses. first, it was "i want to, im just really anxious and insecure," which is something i understand. then it became "i just go through phases, sometimes i want it a lot and sometimes not at all." then "i think im over the trauma, and we can start settling into a normal sex life." to "i would go the rest of my life without sex if i could, but i dont because i want you to be happy." the first time he said that, it changed everything. i felt all the guilt that i wouldve felt the whole time knowing that, all at once. that was probably 2 years ago. Since then, weve had every conversation under the sun about it. for a while he was telling me things that make it easier for him, but still it didnt feel right. we had a long period of absolutely nothing happening, and no conversations about it. i was hurting about it, but just didnt know what to do. he tries to wake me up with head(he had express permission to do so, and originally it was my idea. dont worry), and the second i was actually awake i just started to sob. i sobbed and sobbed for hours, which prompted a conversation about what to do. we talked, and decided that maybe planning it was better. so, at the beginning of this year, we got a hotel and had planned for it to be basically all sex(because he had convinced me once again that he was just finicky, not opposed). we went to the mall, victorias secret, the toy store, the whole shebang(pun intended). when it was my turn, it only lasted a few minutes. i couldnt help myself, but i just wanted to cry. i was already on edge, worrying he didnt even want to be there, and then i felt so guilty for being ungrateful. it caused a fight, and we didnt talk about the subject again for about a month. i should mention that my boyfriend is transgender. unfortunately, due to financial circumstances, he had started and stopped taking testosterone about 3 times. each time he started again, he was very hypersexual for a few months, usually in both giving and receiving. he started testosterone again shortly after the hotel incident(we both pray he doesnt ever have to stop again), and it was the same thing. sex once or twice a week, and it was full of life and energy. well, then i started to feel the unease from him again. i asked, and it came out that while he gets more sexual urges, and he enjoys sex, and enjoys making me happy, it is so painfully uncomfortable for him, it literally makes his skin crawl. and he doesnt really get "horny" its more of a non-sexual craving for pleasure. he said that he pushed himself to do things, especially on testosterone, because he would rather be uncomfortable for life than lose me, and he does like having things done to him(specifically from me, because i know everything he likes, so he can completely zone out, which he says is the only way its enjoyable, and why its so hard to do things to me), so he figured he was just "giving a little to get a little," but it takes a severe toll on him when he lives like that. so, i let it be a non-factor for a while. something important to note is i hate masturbation almost just as much as he hates sex. i do not like myself. i dont like the thought of myself naked, i dont like to look at myself naked, i dont like to feel myself naked. it doesnt feel as good as sex, the climax is very anticlimactic, and i feel extremely gross and overstimulated, emotionally and physically afterward. to the point that its not worth it. sex isnt like any of those things, and if it ever is, its a small afterthought. i, so stupidly, brought up opening the relationship solely sexually. this was the most convincing hes ever been, but i cant stop wondering if that fact was just due to the fact that i was so desperate for an answer. he said he was absolutely fine with it, and we went over our "rules," and he was so convincing, but it still felt off, and i was very wary. i started to chat with prospects, and went to go meet one one night. i got there, and the second i arrived any excitement was gone. it wasnt the person, i just cant do it. i dont think that can ever be an option. we talked for a bit, and then i had to leave. i started to have a full on breakdown. i cried so hard as i drove home, in the middle of the night, and knew then i probably wouldnt be able to do anything. fast forward about two weeks and i have still been talkong to people and making loose plans, but again, nothing else. my bf gets home from work one day and is a bit cranky. i just have an inkling its about the arrangement. i start to pester him because he wont talk to me, and we end up in a huge fight. it comes out that of course hes not okay with it, how could he ever be, but it was a lot better than losing me or being cheated on later. he said that if i didnt do this, there was a 100% chance of me cheating on him. that really hurt my feelings, as a few years ago, he thought i had cheated on him but i was actually assaulted(i had been severely manipulated and admitted it as cheating, in his defense, but through a lot of talking and healing we both realized that it was in fact assault. i said "no," but i was too scared to really fight. all i did was plead verbally, and so i blamed myself for "letting it happen". i beat myself up and emotionally tortured myself for years over it, and it really messed me up, so i am extremely sensitive to those kind of accusations). i told him that i loved him more than anything, and meaningless sex would never be worth his discomfort, and i stand by that, i really mean it. he has been the most loving and wonderful partner all this time. i love him so dearly, and i seriously dont want to live my life without him. as much as i want it, i would rather never satisfy my urges again than lose him. obviously we are both losing something no matter what we do. what in the world can i do? im seriously at a loss. were only 20, if sex is this hard now, how can we make it work forever? i love him so much that if breaking up and finding more sexually compatible people is the only healthy option, then i will do that, because i really do just want the best for him. but i would regret it forever, and i think i would always feel i made the wrong choice. especially considering we did break up over this once before for about 4 months, and during that time, all we could think about was what a mistake it had been. what do i do ? please, any advice at all.