I'm trying to figure out what exactly to call my sexuality. If you take a man and a woman and shave their face I am almost equally attracted to them. I dont like when a man starts growing facial hair and getting rough skin and ultra masculine features and I dont like when a woman starts wearing makeup and jewelry. You could say im into more slightly effimate men (twinks) and more masculine women (tomboys). I just like a smooth androgynous face. I'm attracted almost entirely to the face, the bone structure, how cute and smooth someone's skin is. Maybe also their mind/intelligence and their kinks.

I'm not particularly attracted to any genital organs. I don't care about anyone's dicks, balls, asses, pussies, or boobs and get repulsed when people show me just their genitals thinking it's supposed to turn me on or that I'm supposed to want them in my mouth. I rarely have any kind of sex and prefer to just make out cuddle and do mutual solo jo. I like having an orgasm while kissing. Its more about the intimacy for me than what is being done sexually. I've experimented with all kinds of sex acts with both men and women and was able to get hard and complete them but I didn't really enjoy them nearly as much as I should have and would have been happier just kissing and cuddling. Over time I gradually stopped even experimenting with sex, especially after I started getting back pain and I haven't even had sex in 2 years, I just kiss.

Here's where things get gay.. I've mostly played with men. Despite my attraction to women I've only played with them a few times and those few times were with hookers. Ive kissed or had sex with a man hundreds or thousands of times. I think the main reason for this is that I dont know how to relate to women. I spent many of my puberty years in all male schools bonding with men and I don't know the female mind. They are so serious and formal about dating and sex and don't seem to be looking for anything casual. I don't even know how to start a conversation with them. I'm not sure they are that interested in my either. When I made a straight dating profile nobody would message me. So it was much easier to just go on manhunt or grindr and hook up with a horny man right away. Once I did that enough times it became a pattern and a habit and I got involved with gay culture and clubbing etc where I just kept meeting more and more men. That led to dating and now I even have a male partner who Ive had for 15 years despite having a terrible sex life together and cosntantly fighting over how I dont like cohabitation or too much attention. I have no intent to ever marry or have kids and I seem to breaking his heart about all these things yet Im too loyal and loving to even think about breaking our relationship. So I have these relationship issues with a man and have gone through all the trouble of coming out as 'gay' to my family and society. But the worst part of it is a I don't even know if Im really gay. I'm not even that gay. I don't even like dicks.

The only other clue I might be gay is I have some weird fetishes like bondage and being cum and spit on that probably only men are interested in doing to me, and I want to take the submissive role. But again, it really doesn't matter to me if a man or woman is doing this and its the kink and the domination/humiliation/intimacy of it that appeals to me. Im not thinking about the persons genitals at all. I want people to give me the facial without me having to perform oral sex, which is almost always a dealbreaker, so I just never do it, its all a fantasy. I also watch porn of this being done both to men and women and I watch more of the female porn because theres much more of it and its easier to find. When my partner or another gay man sees me watching porn with a woman in it they are shocked and disgusted like how can anyone not be entirely on one side of the kinsey scale. Bisexual cis men seem to be in such a weird place right now and nobody is rooting for them, only for the radical extremes. They can seem hated even. I'm not sure I could even call myself 'bisexual' though. That would imply that I like to have sex or that I like sexually demographic features. I'm tempted to call myself asexual too, but I think I fo way too much intimate stuff, kissing, and fetishes for that. My mind is too dirty for such a pure label.

Anyway, I'm here because I'm trying to figure out what to call my sexuality that other people would understand. Am I gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, gray-asexual, pansexual, demisexual, androgynosexual, sapiosexual, autistic, something else? I feel like my sexuality belongs to some kind of alien or fish that reproduces in wierd way with just one gender and no genitalia. And nobody understands it. I'm often being told to delete my accounts because I'm wasting everyone's time.