I spent forever making this hand-built ceramic sculpture out of terracotta clay. It was titled ‘Garden of Sol’ and it was … beautiful. Some of the proportions were wonky and elongated, but it was a super meaningful piece to me that represented my journey as a trans person. It was also the first hand-built ceramic thing I ever made.

I won an award for it today: exceptional 3D work of art at my college. And we had to present the pieces afterwards. While I was standing by my piece, my art professor asked for a photo of all the winners. I had been trying to maneuver to show both myself and Sol, and my partner (who also won an art award) suggested I kneeled in front of it (it had been on a table).

I bumped the table. And it came crashing down. I was immediately taken away from it, and I’m currently in bed after sobbing over it for over an hour. I don’t know what the damage is, but there were so many tiny shards that I don’t have confidence that it can be put back together easily.

My heart hurts so badly. I’ve always had issues relying too heavily on my art as a form of validation, while at the same time struggling with accepting the art I make is good. And this piece had built my confidence up, and in two seconds all of that hard-work, that confidence, and that acceptance of self that I finally was building was taken away.

I don’t know where to go from here. Any advice?