Hello and good day everyone.. This is a bit of a rant than advice..but I'm open to your genuine advice too .. So this is my situation.. where i met a woman (28yrs) through our family acquaintances. She is a bit introverted and not very ambitious in life.Not my preferred type but ok..i am accepting it.. Now my mother was initially ok with this alliance..and later confused..because of the age gap(i am 29 and she is just younger to me by 13 months) and few others (which seems logical on future prospects, say childrens school admission difficulties and etc).

Now this that and all and in between 2.5 months have passed..in between we too have gone for a 15 days trip ... But the confusion remains..

A small info about my in laws too. They happen to be a little too much conservative.. they allowed me to share their daughter number with me only after we said we (my parents) were ok in the marriage..this happened on 4th of jan,23.. btw it was more like ok first impression is ok lets proceed. How many times did we(me and the girl) meet? only once..and how many times did our parents meet in between twice at least. When we met i didnt even talk to her privately.. i spoke in front of her family ladies, except our fathers maybe.. they were like lets decide now only..

We then started to talk from WhatsApp but switched to call since 16th(yes I'm very slow)...since then we spoke around 5-6 times or so..

And NO I didn't have any options to meet her since then. Neither i have now. My mother was adamant that her parents wont approve so she wont ask and never even mentioned to them, always quoting relationships with our acquaintances will be salty..they are their direct relatives.. we had so many episodes of arguments in between.. or the classic this is system/tradition how it works...damn you bloody system..

For the would be in laws its a fixed deal..for us its is too early and confusing. They are even suggesting we fix a date now. My mom says to me that she is ok with this alliance and then says she is not ok and repeats almost on a regular basis.

See, not that i have many complaints towards the girl at this time or I don't want to marry her..but i need some time and space and understanding between us. So saying NO is also not correct.

Now between this time...i am just confused about what to do or decide.. i feel NUMB towards her.. i cant be having feelings towards her one day and suddenly switch off again and again start having feelings based on how mother feels. I had to restrict growing feelings for her cause initially cause i felt that it may get cancelled..now she tells me oh you tell me what to do and we will do accordingly to you..we gave you ample time..did they? No.. even 1 month is not enough for me to know her completely.. and fun fact my mother is not ready for any discussion or willing to take any blame for the same.

I am getting soooo annoyed with myself and current situations. I feel angry for not being able to decide for myself. Or not able to gather attraction towards the girl or that i am leading this girl with false hope or so... Or that i am wasting their time on this.. I feel whats the point of marrying if I'm not attracted towards her..or why to arrange marriage if my mother is not happy(this is my ideology, please dont give generic statements on this).. how can i get over this situation?