It’s been a long time since we wrote an ad, but here we are again.

Late 40’s couple. Formerly obese, now chubby. Imperfect bodies.

We’re seeking, primarily, unicorns. We are not, in any way at all, seeking single men. We are open to the right couple, although the dynamics have to be…great.

We're not looking for Kik or Instagram pals.

Here’s too much information about us and what we’re looking for.

• We’re both late 40’s white suburbanites who act and play younger. We've got young parents, so please be close to our age or younger. By the same token, we have adult children, so don't be so young as to make THAT weird too.
• We're both nerds. [We are posting this on Reddit on a throwaway.]
• He's 6', straight, and the aforementioned out of shape. [He used to be nearly 300#, but now fights to stay closer to 210.]
• She's 5'9", bisexual (not curious), and chubby with wonderful curves.
  
• We're both employed, married (to each other!) and quite in love. Neither of us is going to "date" you.
  
• We can host, but we like hotels and casinos.
• We don't identify as "swingers" and aren't fans of "the lifestyle." If being "a swinger" identifies you, we might not be a match.
• We're both free of any disease, and play responsibly.
• We're both state MMJ card holders, and enjoy a few safe, sane, responsible (and largely organic) items. We are NOT interested in "going fast" or meeting your "friend Tina."
• We like to meet in public, have a soda, or a beer or nosh on some appetizers, and if the chemistry is right, we all figure out what to do next and when. If the chemistry isn't right, we're all adults, and we're happy to politely say "thanks, but there's no connection" before picking up the bill for the appetizers.

The ideal candidate for this position (and many other positions!) would be a late 30's through late 40's bisexual female, or couple with a bisexual female in the same range. You'd want to hang out, chat over some appetizers, and if you like us, you'd enjoy a future of meeting up with us for crazy casino weekends where we only come out of the room for water and snacks and a recharge at the buffet. You don't have to be perfect - we're not! You just have to be fun, and know that you're sexy, and enjoy the idea of both being the center of attention and making someone else the center of your attention in an all-night hotel room screw/lick/suck-fest that ends when we pack up a suitcase full of naughty toys and gadgets, the laptop full of dirty movies, and check out of the hotel.

Your age, largely, doesn't matter, as long as you're near ours and young at heart. Your shape, largely (ha!), doesn't matter as long as you're not in danger of needing a mobility scooter. [Thin, thick, in-between? Again, just know you're sexy.] Your race or nationality are unimportant. We speak English, so that's probably necessary unless you'd like to point and grunt a lot.

The big question: Why are we looking?

We just got out of a 2-year "relationship" with our last friend. We're still friends, but she found love, and we're sad and happy to see her go. Doesn't our friend look great with our better half resting comfortably on her?

https://imgur.com/mSQQsp1

tl;dr? Wanna get fucked by an out of shape suburbanite couple who've done this before and aren't flakes? Hit us up.

We'll gladly answer questions.