Currently I have a 20g high planted tank with a dwarf gourami, three Cory cats, four Java ferns, and two Amazon swords. All purchased at a great LFS.

Seems pretty simple, right? Well, it feels like everyday there’s some kind of mishap that’s causing me more stress than enjoyment. I feel like an idiot for not being able to handle something seemingly so simple.

I’ve wanted to get into this hobby for a long, long time, but pulled the trigger when my therapist suggested it as a method of self-soothing. I have bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and autism. You can take a look at my post history to see how that’s all going.

At first, it was really working. I could stare at the tank for a long time and just feel relaxed. But lately it’s causing me more stress than enjoyment. It’s genuinely taking a toll on my mental health, as ridiculous as that sounds.

But, like the title says, I feel like, even with the seemingly small load, that I took on too much. But I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to re-home the fish if it got to that point. And starting the tank all over seems daunting, but I’d do it if I had to. And, honestly, the thought of doing that makes me feel a little better than any alternatives.

I feel embarrassed for feeling like I’m not adequately caring for something that seems pretty simple, but I just don’t know what to do. I’m sure I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should, but that’s just how I am.

I’m sorry for this rambling mess, but is there any advice y’all have for me? Should I have started with something different? Should I just start over?

Any help is greatly appreciated!