I don't know how to frame this post, so I guess I'll just start with my story.

Last year was crazy. Most of my high school years, I was seriously depressed. I had B's and C's with the occasional A. I just genuinely didn't feel a connection with anyone or any of the material. I found college to just be the next step that my parents wanted for me. My stats weren't good, and my EC's were just okay. Compared to my peers, I was so mediocre and it felt really bad. I was like the "dumb kid", my brother had gotten A's in classes where I got C-'s.

As college season rolled around, I applied to a T20 ED, and was obviously rejected. I was deferred by Michigan as well, which surprised me.

Then came the train-wreck part. I hadn't thought well about my college choices.

I got waitlisted from my "safety" - UC Riverside. That felt so bad. I'm glad my family didn't make it any worse with toxicity though. Next, I got a rejection from UC Santa Cruz. That was devastating - I thought I had no chance at my other schools.

Surprisingly, a couple days later, I got admitted to the University of Washington with a merit scholarship, as generous as my brother's. I rationalized it as being because my brother was a student, but was incredibly excited nonetheless. That school was likely my third or fourth choice, so it felt really good. I got my decision before the whole pandemic - I was genuinely looking forward to Admit Preview, and seeing the cherry blossoms again. Then, a few more rejections from UC Davis, Irvine, SB, I didn't care, I got into a great school. SD waitlist, LA reject.

Then came ivy day - the first decision I opened was UC Berkeley and I was so shocked when I saw the Congratulations! Then the next day, I opened my Michigan decision letter and was greeted with confetti. To say I was shook by my decisions would be an overstatement. But, seeing my mom so happy and proud was so meaningful. My brother was graduating college, and going onto a top medical school, and I was planning on committing to either Berkeley or UW. It was genuinely an all time high.

I chose Berkeley, and SIRing felt great. I still don't know how I got into 3 of my top choices. I still don't think it makes sense, seeing that I got waitlisted at UCR, and flat out rejected at UCSC. But what stood out to me was my mom's reaction. She was genuinely so happy and excited for me. Contrasting that to what my brother had to endure a couple years ago, it was so different. My mom yelled at my brother for getting rejected at UCLA (even though he got into SD and other great schools). She's changed so much for the better, and it sucks that she never got to see my brother have an actual graduation.

Yesterday, she passed away. It feels sucky - she was just starting to root for us. I have so many regrets, from high school. I'm just lucky she got to see my brother graduate, and see me commit to a college. It sucks, honestly. But, know that your parents EVEN tiger parents, have your best interest in their mind at all times, however, they express it.

Sorry for the long post - I just wanted to share this sentiment. Good Luck class of 2021. Even if it looks dire, use my results as inspiration that sometimes lucky things happen. You guys are all for sure much more qualified than I was - Congrats on making it this far. I really hope you guys get second semester atleast :(

EDIT: Dang, that blew up. Thanks everyone for your support! I'm pretty busy at this point, taking care of a lot of things, and I'll try to respond to people individually, but not sure. Again, Thanks! The amount of support I've found here and in the UC Berkeley community has been mind blowing.