A few months ago, I mentioned to my boss that I couldn’t remember names for the life of me. It was a huge part of my job and my performance was suffering. After a little bit of probing, she said, “I don’t think you can picture their faces.”

After coming to the root of the problem, we found ways to work around it. But ever since then it’s a little bit haunting. I try to think of the way a tv show character looks, someone I’ve seen hundreds, even thousands of time. I can see my family but only because I can see the pictures I have in my photo album. I can’t see any new expressions, can remember anything I don’t have a photograph.

I’m an extremely visual learner. I’m excellent with flow charts and diagrams. I do visual meditation. But I feel so lost now that I realize I can’t hang onto these things. It feels like something is just slipping from me constantly. I’m upset that I won’t be able to hold onto any memories I don’t have photographs of. My grandmother passed recently and I can’t remember the last time I saw her. I feel like I’m grieving all over again because it isn’t there in my memory.