Hi everyone! I’ve noticed we sometimes have trouble telling boundaries from needs and expectations. So I wanted to share the B.A.E.S framework with you.

B.A.E.S:

Boundaries: the ways I can show up in our relationship (I will treat you kindly, I will text every day, I need time for myself, I will keep a close relationships with my friends during our relationship).

Agreements: the ways we have agreed to show up in our relationship (we will be exclusive, we will be intimate today, we will introduce each other as partners).

Expectations: the ways I wish you showed up for me in our relationship, that are requests and not demands (I expect you to call me every day, I expect you to make time for me every week, I expect you to show interest in my hobbies). Your partner can decide whether or not they can meet these and it’s your choice if you want to stay with them.

Support: the ways in which a partner can help you meet needs as affection, safety, reassurance, communication, intellectual stimulation, etc. Remember that you should also be trying to meet these by yourself and not rely exclusively on your partner. You can agree to the ways in which you want to meet each other’s needs. Try not to confuse specific ways of fulfilling needs (which are expectations) with needs themselves.

I took this info from Shrimpteeth on IG (they’re an educator in interpersonal relationships with an emphasis on polyam relationships, but you don’t have to be polyam to find this very helpful).

Shrimpteeth on IG https://instagram.com/shrimpteeth?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=