"Would I date an AA?" Most AAs won't, and even if in theory they say they would, in reality they hardly ever do. And the reason for that is that we're all looking for what we don't have. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes total sense. You're already overfunctioning, emotionally caretake etc, you need someone to complement you, not to do the same, to give your kids the best chance at survival.

The most attractive thing about avoidants to me? Their entitlement to their own space and boundaries. Are they rigid? Hell yeah, it's not exactly healthy boundaries. Did it drive me crazy? Absolutely. But it also made me envious because I didn't use treat myself that way. I used to put other people's emotions first, made sure they were ok before I even got to my space and boundaries. Neither of these sides are healthy, but they do complement each other.

So before you start pointing fingers, ask yourself what attracts you to them in the first place? Because that's where your work lies and you owe that to yourself. The moment you become judgemental towards them is the moment you become judgemental towards yourself. This "I'm better than you" attitude I see a lot on here towards avoidants is actually "I'm not good enough" in disguise. So every time you make a judgemental comment, just notice that you just put yourself down too... Because when people go on about "avoidants abusing you by emotionally neglecting you" you're actually calling yourself a helpless child who's incapable of standing their ground. You're an adult, someone not doing something is not abusing you. You should be interdependent in a relationship yes, but someone not being interdependent with you is not abuse unless you're a child who can't handle their own emotions.

You're not better, you're not worse, you're just different. Notice the differences instead of judging them, and it'll show you the places you can grow so you become your own person and connect to people from that place with respect and integrity. Lead by example instead of demanding people to do what you don't. Because if you're judging avoidants, you're not here to heal.

If you're here, still focusing on someone else, all you do is avoiding yourself. No wonder you're so resentful towards avoidants for doing the same...