Hey everyone!

Me (25F) and my boyfriend (26M) are planning on finding a house and moving in together soon. We have been dating for over a year and it has been amazing. He is really everything I want and I have nothing bad to say about him. I love him very much and I feel like I just know that he is the one. He also agrees on this and feels this way about me too. He is truly the best man there is. I have an anxious attachment but since being with him I don’t struggle with it as much as I did years ago. Partly because of how he is as a human being. Shortly, our relationship is healthy and beautiful and I really see a future with him.

But since talking about moving in together I feel conflicted. The healed part of me wants this and feels so happy about it. But there is this one part of me that is super anxious about this step. It feels like a different type of anxiety. Not anxious about us or him, but just ‘general anxiety’. It’s hard to put out in words exactly, that’s why I struggle to talk about it with him. It’s not fear of him leaving me, or of our relationship going bad, but it’s really a fear of the unknown. I have never lived with a partner (neither has he), so it will be new for both of us. It’s a big step out of my comfort zone and that scares me. What if we were better the way we are now? What if we don’t like living together and it ruins stuff? Is this too soon? Will this be a mistake? These are just some thoughts that terrorize me.

These feelings to me are so strange, I have no doubt at all about him. I have only felt so sure about a couple things in life, one of that is him. But still, taking this big next step scares the shit out of me. I find it hard to enjoy the talks we have about it and try to shut up the little voice in my head that’s always throwing nasty thoughts in my head.

For the past years I have been able to control my anxiety well. But I feel this is something different and I can’t seem to get grip on myself. In a way it makes sense there is some anxiety, but I can’t let it go or just have faith. My boyfriend seems so happy and so sure, I fear if I tell him everything he will feel offended. Because I do really want this, it’s a logical step and I think we will do great. But the anxious thoughts eat me alive.

It almost feels like this anxiety comes from an avoidant attachment rather than anxious attachment. But I never considered myself avoidant attached…

Does anyone understand these feelings? Do you have tips how to navigate this? How can I stop having this anxiety and just enjoy this amazing new level to our relationship?