Hi all,

I am recently starting to see someone new, and we are discussing being exclusive and it caused me a lot of anxiety. I feel like I am ready for a relationship - but at the same time I have so much bs in my head that its giving me some anxiety. I am pretty self-aware of my AA and am working on it (Lots of books on AA, therapy, taking my anti-depressants, trying to be secure). It has recently made me feel like my AA is flaring up. The person I am seeing is giving secure and is very reassuring. I have noticed my AA, or general anxiety still continues even though he reassures me. I'm not sure if it's lack of trust or fear or what is going on in my brain.

I'm trying to practice compassion for myself and give myself space and say I am not perfect, and I am working on it actively. Recently though, I'm having thoughts of sabotaging my relationship by leaving, because I am so scared of being broken up with or left. It sounds avoidant, but it is coming from a place of AA. He is treating me well, so I'm having the thoughts of "What happens when this ends?" or "Will I go through so much pain again".

I'm trying to be stoic, and just enjoy the ride, but with my last relationship really broke me because I was so AA and dependent. I am trying to tell myself that I cannot control or predict the future, and that my anxiety is trying to protect me from previous pain I felt.

Anybody feel the same way? Any advice?