Hi all,

I am a 26F have started dating recently this year (March 2023), and I have absolutely learned that I am Anxious Attachment. The first guy I was dated, scared him away because of my AA, and then that's when I learned I am AA, LOL. I realized I was this before too with my friends, but I have learned coping mechanisms with this and have improved from Friendship AA, but I am in a new and first relationship and my AA is in overdrive.

We have been talking since July 23, 2023 and hung out non-stop since August 5th - we became official on Aug. 12th (moving fast I know but we sorta knew and felt it, also there's no specific timeline to be official). So this gentleman is my first boyfriend - yay! Even when we started dating, I felt the AA start up. I do like him a fair bit, but a couple of things - when we first started talking, he has quite bad dyslexia so his texting is very poor and short, he prefers voice calls or in person chat. He also works in construction for 12 hoursx5 days a week and is very busy with same. I understand both of these challenges for him, but not hearing from him 12 hours a day causes me anxiety. I use to work in the hospital as a nurse, and when I worked 12s... I too would not have the time, capacity, or energy to respond, so I understand.

The flip side of the coin is he tries his best, he always tries to call me after his shift. And we spend almost everyday together (legit I haven't seen him only one day since we started hanging out). This might have made me cause more attachment to him. He also texts me once during lunch. I have told him also the importance of texting and keeping in contact is, so he tries to text me at lunch and calls me after work - no good morning text, but he drives for an hour too and from work. And again, we spend almost every day after work together. When I don't hear from him 6-12 hours, it causes me anxiety. MY brain is in overdrive - stating this is the day he loses interest (what the heck is this brain of mine?). I do also have past abandonment from previous dating experiences.

Anybody else feel this in a new relationship? I don't want to be so needy, I sabotage the relationship. I want to be balanced and fair. I want to not be so dependent on his calls, and want to be able to self soothe. I think I'm so anxious because I'm like what if this ends? It's my fear of abandonment acting up. But at the same time, I’m trying to focus on the now and have fun!

Sometimes my anxiety is fine, then sometimes it's so horrible I throw up. Anxiety attachment is such a pain.

Anybody able to relate? Ways to self soothe? What is too needy and what is just the right amount of communicating my needs? Ways to not overthink?

TL;DR New boyfriend, never dated before. He works 12 hours x 5 days - he doesn't text often and explains why, makes me anxious. He tries his best in other forms. Anybody able to relate and how to improve it?