I’ve never been scared of COVID. In fact I’ve gotten it once and I had very minor symptoms. I’d say I’ve been pretty respectful of others that may be more fearful about it, but I am definitely one of the people that sort of just continued on with my life as much as I could. I’m not really scared of being in a packed bar or restaurant with a bunch of maskless people, for example.

However, since the start of the pandemic, I’ve noticed I’ve developed anxiety, and I’ve had several random panic attacks. These attacks were about seemingly nothing at all. I’m not scared of the virus at all, so it’s not like it’s anxiety about COVID, but rather it’s about the fact that we’ve lived through a pandemic. Before COVID, you’d read a history book about all the horrific things that have happened on this planet over the years, but it all still felt like fiction to some extent. You always thought that in this civilized, technology advanced world that we live in, that something like that just wouldn’t happen again. Most of us just live a pretty simple life. We wake up, go to work to help pay for our families and our hobbies that we do after work. And maybe a few extra goals on the side too. But other than that, pretty simple.

But, since COVID, I’ve found myself really reflecting on everything that’s happened, and how my life is potentially never going to be the same. It’s scary to think about. And as a result, I’ve had random panic attacks about it. The first time, I didn’t even know what was happening. I’ve never experienced this before. It felt like all of my surroundings were just unfamiliar and strange, even my own friends and family. It felt like no matter where I went or who I turned to during the attack, that it wouldn’t matter. It was terrifying. Almost an out of body experience. It made me reflect on our mortality and how we all mean absolutely nothing compared to the universe. Anyways, I thought I would share. But ever since the start of the pandemic, sometimes I’ll start to feel sick to my stomach for absolutely no reason… like I’m worried about something, yet nothing is wrong. Familiar people feel like strangers to me, the things I used to enjoy doing seem pointless, and the silly goals and simple life I used to live just seems meaningless some days. Thanks for reading :)