This evening was really strange. I had a little bit of anxiety throughout the day but was in training at work and having a good time with team building activities. After the last activity we went to a local restaurant for a bite to eat and drink.

I was pretty much fine until my boss mentioned she wasn’t feeling well. She had kind of been complaining about that all day but still was acting normal. She said she felt like she had to throw up and was going to leave.

Her saying that (especially after me eating all the same foods as her all day) just set off my anxiety. I left almost immediately without hardly saying goodbye to my coworkers. I got in my car and headed home.

But my anxiety was really bad. It tends to make me feel nauseous and I have a fear of throwing up (most especially in a busy public setting). So needing to drive through Friday afternoon traffic in the rain while having a panic attack and feeling nauseous was not easy. Also the food from the restaurant wasn’t sitting well (prob at least in part bc of the anxiety) so my stomach was really hurting snd I needed to find a bathroom ASAP.

Sorry I know this is TMI…and it gets a little worse.

So what should have been a 20-30 minute drive home took me two hours. Being on busy roads made my anxiety worse so I tried to take backroads at first. Then I had to keep stopping to let my anxiety and nausea calm down a bit. At once point I even dry heaved a bit. It was at the point I almost just wanted to throw up so that my stomach would be empty and I would t have to worry so much.

All the stopping and starting I know is so dumb…I should just strap in and get home as fast as possible. But it heft felt like too much.

I didn’t want to stop at a location to use the bathroom bc again fear of throwing up in public. But I really needed to use the bathroom. At one point I found a secluded park and no one was there. I keep a spare roll of toilet paper in my car and I very seriously considered going to the bathroom in the woods. Ultimately I decided not to.

I finally made it home and it’s weird but I feel somehow…proud. I mean…it’s embarrassing that I had such a hard time with a basic task like driving myself home from work…but I did it. I figured it out. I didn’t call anyone for support (Honestly that would have made it worse probably). I just…I feel like I climbed a mountain or something much more intense than driving the 8 miles home.