I’m in the airport coming home from a trip where I got to finally meet a couple of online friends I’ve known for years. It was going pretty good the first couple of days but as always, social anxiety kicked in. I suddenly perceive every action from me as “wrong”, and any reaction from others as disapproval, no matter what it is. Even if I say something and they laugh because what I said was funny, I instead feel like they’re laughing at me. Every social interaction feels so unnatural to me. I think being with two friends made it especially hard because I kept comparing how they would speak with me vs each other, and felt like the odd man out.

I just hate it because I can’t tell if this is all in my head or if I am genuinely socially incompetent to others. I feel like the truth is somewhere in between, that I become incompetent once the anxiety plagued my brain. I embarrass myself/feel awkward at least half the time I talk to someone.