Hi all,

I’m new here, I hope this post is relevant and accepted for this sub.

I (25F) have been living with my boyfriend for a few months, though the problem has occurred for longer than that. It’s just gotten more prevalent now that we are living together.

I notice that I get anxiety when my boyfriend is out late and will be coming home late. I’ll specify, it’s not anxiety over him cheating or anything. I’m extremely anxiety ridden over a car accident happening. Any time in which he is out late, I can’t sleep. I feel panicky, my heart races, and I can’t relax. It’s interrupting the quality of my life because of my lack of sleep. I’d really like to overcome this, and be able to sleep while he is out. The goal for me is that I want to just relax and sleep well, no matter what he’s doing/where he is. Not change his behavior in staying out late. I want him to have his own life and enjoy the things he likes to do, like go to parties and play video games with his friends. He gets off work at 10pm, so going out earlier is more challenging.

I felt this way when we lived separately and he told me though text he was going to be out late. It was just easier to ignore and sleep. Now that he is coming home and we live together, I can’t shake it off.

I’ve told him that his going out late bothers me and causes me to not sleep. I asked him if he could start going out on his days off instead of after work, and go earlier so that he comes home earlier. This didn’t go so well and he made no promises. I never told him specifically that I’m anxiety ridden because of my fear of a car accident. Also I feel like him changing his behavior is just a quick fix and doesn’t actually fix my anxiety issues, just masks it. That’s why I’d rather figure out a way to cope and sleep while not changing his behavior.

Anxiety is no stranger to me, and I feel like it interferes with my life in numerous other ways. I’ve had panic attacks since 7th grade. However currently, this situation is the one that has me the most worried and is causing the most noticeable issues in the quality of my life.

Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.