I just need to vent some where. I have been anxious in some form or another since I was very young, as far back as I can honestly remember. I have yet to find the reasons behind it, and ways to control it indefinitely. But today in particular has just been horrendous.

As im typing this i can feel my stomach start to relax and un mangle it self.

I don’t know why Im having these terrible episodes lately but they feel un manageable and like it’s not something I have the strength to deal with for any extended length of time. When I start to panic its like I go into this mode of thinking what’s going to happen if this doesn’t stop? Should I call out to work tomorrow right now, because I know i can’t sleep like this. Should I just go to the emergency room? and these questions just bring me all the more turmoil.

When I don’t know the source of my discomfort I don’t know how to respond. I don’t use drugs anymore, and its dis hearting to know that they would solve this. but only today, and only in this moment.

Idk what else to say really, besides that today has been a really difficult day, for whatever reason. I just pray for some relief and hope for a better tomorrow.