After a lovely weekend together, my best friend, seemingly out of nowhere, stopped responding to my messages. Then, she sent me a letter that read more like a resignation than a letter between friends. She said I treat her like a therapist and I dont support her when she needs me. This blew my mind. We both have anxiety. I honestly felt like she was was leaning on me more than I was leaning on her. I also felt that when she needed advice or support, I was on it whereas, if I was struggling, I got minimal support from her. But, I never cared. We both have super stressful jobs and have more responsibilities than ever and when she asked me for support, I was happy to provide that support. When she was too busy to respond to me, I accepted that. I never held it against her. Yet, in her letter, she indicated that she felt she couldnt talk to me about things on her mind without judgment and fear of repercussions. The thing here is, why didnt she just try? Sure, we dont agree on things 100% but that doesnt mean I wont listen and try to understand her differing view. She never gave me the chance.

The reason I went to see her that weekend was that she told me she could use some girl time. I happened to have a furlough day that allowed me to fly in Saturday morning, spend Saturday and Sunday there, and return Monday. So i did, gladly. We laughed, we joked, we had fun. When she dropped me off at the airport Monday, she thanked me for coming. I guess she may be upset that she had to take time off work to take me, but I told her I could get ab Uber, no problem. To me, she seemed to insist on taking me and my dog.

Two days later, she exploded on me. The night before, I had made some statements expressing confusion over some issues facing our nation. She ran off a bunch of her own issues and told me that my statements were "problematic" and she would, "address it when she had time." Then, 4 days of silence. She wouldnt read my messages. With the level of stress she exhibited, i was scared to death of what could have happened. Was she ok and, after 7 years of friendship, she just didnt have time to say, "Im alive, im working on me. We will discuss later." After 4 days, the email. She never told me what was problematic about what I said. She never offered examples of where I had been demanding of her support while failing to provide support to her. I went through our messages for weeks looking and didnt find anything. I spent two hours on the phone with a friend who is not white(ex bestie and I are white) discussing racial tension in the country, privilege, white fragility, and what my role should be. In the end, he didnt see a problem with the messages that I had sent her. They werent angry or hateful. They simply came from a place of anxiety and confusion.

She refuses to read IMs I send her. Im fairly certain she isnt reading my texts and I doubt she read my emailed response asking what changed between Monday the 13th when she dropped me at the airport and Wednesday the 15th when she stopped speaking to me. I get no closure. Im not going to beg her to be my friend, but it seems to me that after 7 years, she should be willing to provide me with something, even if it means a bit of discomfort on her part. I spent 4 days feeling like someone had sucker punched me in the gut as I slowly accepted that I truly wasnt worth her time anymore. If she doesnt want to be my friend anymore, I cant make her. But, isnt giving the other party closure just basic human decency?