A trait I inherited/learned from my mother. I also, like many people, have a deep longing for acceptance; to feel valued and desired. I'm also autistic. These things combined make me awkward. I tend to copy behaviors of others in the hopes I can fit in and be accepted, though I often don't understand there behaviors (which makes me more awkward). I just mimic them mechanically, often subconsciously. My (now ex-) wife also recently divorced me, so I'm dealing with all of that rejection and everything, too.

Because of all this, I constantly overthink. When I reach out to make new friends, I am so worried about being accepted that I'm hyper observant of the behaviors around them, to see what they accept and reject and I stay to change myself to be around them, especially if I'm attracted to them. I constantly worry about everything I say and do, and if they don't react in a positive way, I worry about if I upset or offended them. I worry about if something else is going on in their life and if I should try to reach out and support them, or give them space and wait for them to come to me. I never know what in supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be. Getting ghosted, besides just generally being an immature behavior, really makes my anxiety go crazy.

I also wear my heart on my sleeve. You can become my best friend in 10 minutes flat if we have enough in common and you're willing to connect with me on that level.

I don't really know who I am. I don't know how much of me is me, and how much is my mimicry.

All of this is also to say, please, if anyone ever reaches out to you, Terry to reach back. If you don't want to, try to be honest and upfront about it. Don't just ignore someone (ghost). Tell them why you don't want to reach out. Give them a chance to grow and learn and become a better person. They may not know they crossed a line with you, because they may have there lines drawn in COMPLETELY different places, and that's ok too. But if you don't tell them what they did, they can never learn and grow.

Thanks for listening.