I've been battling the flu for a week. I live alone and have two dogs. And sometimes I can barely handle that responsibility let alone my high stress job on top of it. It's a big deal if you miss work because my department is so behind and busy right now. But I've missed some days. And it hit me today like a panic attack that I've already failed at this job. So why continue to try. And when I went home for lunch I just didn't go back. Now my panic is even worse bc how am I going to explain this to my boss. This has happened before. I get overwhelmed and just give up then when I calm down I realize how much I've screwed myself over. I've got to stop this pattern. I'm scared I'll never keep a job. I'm having a hard time holding myself accountable it's like I've already decided I'm a failure and it is what it is. I don't want to spiral down anymore. I know I need to go back to work tomorrow. I guess this is me reaching out for anything right now that can stop me from going deeper into this hole. Eff depression.