I've been struggling with anxiety for about 7 years. The time in my life I lived without it comes to me in my dreams. And that's the closest I feel to feeling normal again, is in those dreams. I'm medicated. I gave in after years of meditation and counseling weren't enough. Soon my father, my brother, my other brother all succumbed to anxiety and depression. We're all medicated now. They say genetics can play a role. It's just surreal to see it happen to some of the strongest men in your life. Anyways, I have my good days and really really bad days, like I'm sure all of you have to. I notice my anxiety and depression really takes over when I stop actively trying to fight it. What I mean by that is countering those negative thoughts. Going for a walk instead of going back to sleep after already sleeping for 16 hours. Eating regular healthy meals instead of binging just to feel something. And journaling. Of all the time I've dealt with anxiety and depression my most grounded moments came from writing out my thoughts. I suppose that's what I'm doing now. Thank you for reading this far in my babble to make myself feel better. I am hoping I can make someone else feel better to. That someone can relate. There's not much that can make you feel better when you're anxious but hearing that other people are going through it, and surviving, that seems to have helped me. Anyways, without further ado, I wrote this to myself tonight to attempt to fight this downward spiral I feel myself gaining speed in. I hope it can reach you and help you in some way too.

"Hi

It's been a while.

I know you've been avoiding me.

And I understand.

But you can't do this forever. Something's gotta give.

You have a life to go live dude. Do it. Live it. Love it. Hate it. Indulge it. Feel it.

I know it's hard to feel things right now with the medicine. Journaling will help. Exercise will help..

You don't have to be perfect. You just have to try to be better than you were the day before.

Love yourself enough to do that. It's time to take all the love and compassion you hand out to everyone else and give it to yourself. Fill yourself up with that love and respect and attention. You deserve it. Please try to know that. I hope one day it's not even a question anymore.

You're loved. You're important. You make a difference. You have so much purpose. You're here for a reason. Claim your life back.

You got this. I believe in you more than you'll ever know. I am inside of you, and you need to hear me, listen to my true words. remember them when the louder voice, the harsher more mean voice tries to bring you down. Don't let it. Fight. Fight for yourself. Fight for my voice so it can become yours again. The fire that once burned inside of you never went out. It just dwindled down to hot coals and it's just waiting for that swift cool air that is you, to ignite it."