Apologies upfront for the rambling terrified anxious mess. I can't handle dentists. can't. Been years since i went and i finally forced myself to go and of course there's a lot of work to do. Managed to force myself to go to the first appointment, only by the miracles of being given valium and having a friend drive.

They told me then that they might have to file/reshape the fillings down a little bit. Okay. fine. right? no, not okay.

Fast forward several days later, i'm in way more pain than i should be still for just having had fillings, and called them up. Front office desk was being weird even when i was trying to explain what i was told and what was done last week.

I don't think they believe me, or if they do, i don't think they understood what the hell I was trying to tell them.

I can go in tomorrow but i have no idea who i'll be seeing (i only know the one person), i have no idea if they're going to fix the problem (at this point i'm panicked at the same moment they wont and i get to keep on hurting or that they will and it will suck and be some kind of huge problem or deal).

I'm freaked out because if they dont fix it tomorrow i'm missing a shit ton of work for all of this.

I have no the fuck clue how i'm going to sleep because since it's short notice of course i dont have anything to take and even if i did it's not like i can get anyone to drive me (my family is pretty much 100% worthless if i need any kind of help. i had to rely on friends for major surgery stuff last year). Assuming i even try to sleep because i cant sleep because it all fucking hurts. Which if they don't fix it tomorrow i have no fucking clue how i'm going to keep functioning.

I dont even know what the fuck to do anymore. Part of me says i should have kept putting it off and this is the price one pays for trying to fix anything that's unpleasant or anxious worthy it just gets worse. like fucking always.