This year I caught myself into a enmeshment relationship with my best friend - in which I ended up losing / pushing away a lot of my long-term friendships, losing myself trying to save another person. The end of 2024 is hitting me a lot, I'm feeling very alone, my birthday is approaching and I'll spend the day alone and it's making me feel miserable and reflecting on the bad choices and how I pretty much destroyed my life this year. Besides that, this year I lost my virginity - I wasn't ready and I pressured myself to do it, and I was unable to ask to stop. I'm feeling very disguted of myself. My mother is very conservative, religious and overprotective, the only thing I want is to have my independency, my own place, I'm currently about to start the last year of my bacherlor degree's in advertising and marketing and I still have no idea what I want to work with and I'm scared that no one will hire me for not starting taking interships earlier. I always have to hide a lot of things about who I am, how I like to dress, what I like, what my political opinions are, who I like to hang out with, etc. At this point, I'm feeling like a failure and uncapable of mantaining friendships and that I'll spent the rest of my life and die forever alone. In fact, I feel scared of d**ng, so much that I'm avoiding leaving cause I don't want my life to end like this. I also gained weight cause I've been overeating. I can't sleep, I can't rest, I can't even concentrate on a simple task (I've been binge watching Buffy but had to stop because I can't focus) my thoughts don't stop, and I don't know what to do. I'm already in medication and I have a psychiatrist. I'm scared of being like this forever.