something happened and it's something that i've been genuinely scared to talk about with anyone because of the nature of it. i'm tired of keeping it to myself, i just want some help with it.

earlier this week, i came home from work, super tired, stressed, and just feeling like shit so i wanted to take some alone time. i thought i had some free time since it was late and i figured everyone was asleep. so i decided to masturbate. when i finished, i wasn't really thinking and i was super tired and so i just finished right on my shirt. not too long after, my mom calls me into her room to hold my baby sister so i like snap outta my trance and try and quickly wipe my shirt off (instead of just changing it like i should have) bc again, i was tired and not thinking. when i went in there, i held her so my mom could make her a bottle. and i noticed there was a patch on my shirt i had missed that was still damp with it. and for the last WEEK, ever since this has happened, i have been CONVINCED that somehow, the sperm on my shirt came into contact with her enough to MAKE MY BABY SISTER PREGNANT. which is fucking insane and impossible, i know, but the way my mind works, i cannot stop worrying about it. i have spent literal HOURS researching over the past couple days to try and see if it's at all possible, and it's driving me insane. i can't stop worrying about it and the what if's. i know it's impossible but my mind won't let me think that way. all i can think about is one day finding out she's pregnant and everyone finding out it was my dna that did it. which i know is such an unrealistic outcome that it borders on fucking fiction, but i can't stop.

please. somebody tell me im going insane and that its just the anxiety talking. somebody tell me that this isn't actually possible and im just freaking out for no reason. i cant live with this thought, i cant live with knowing something might happen to her.