Hi supporters! I’m (28): a chronically anxious individual with all-sings-pointing to having GAD, pervasive anxiety, and somatic anxiety. I was on 10mg of lexapro for 18 months after a bad patch and it was heaven. 0 complications, my anxious thoughts stabilised, and nothing physical changed about me. My ejaculation become stronger. My racing thoughts dialled down. My rumination stopped. It was a god send. My psychiatrist could see it. My GP could see it. I’m a Lexapro success story. This came about after I had a complete anxiety breakdown (with depression, but this isn’t what I’d typically blame my MH hurdles on) after my partner and I decided to seperate (the depression hadn’t ever really been a problem, I was bummed by the breakup).

2 years later and we ended up staying together, I began psychiatry and I got my mental affairs in order.

After 18 months of Lex I made the classic mistake of thinking I was “cured” which was actually just the effects of the medication working, so I weaned off. That was 5 months ago. And my anxiety has truly never been…worse. I’m better at recognising it because I’ve been on both sides of medication but recently I’ve become really scared of developing psychosis. I have lots of people in my life who go through psychosis and just being in proximity to them has freaked me out - despite never exhibiting symptoms or actually having episodes. I guess I experience meta-anxiety about losing my mind, which was something that stopped when I went on Lexapro. I returned to my psychiatrist after 4 months being off Lexapro in a bad anxious state, and he watched me unravel with detail about my feelings of pure anxiety. From this he thought I may may may may maaayyyyy potentially have Bipolar, which didn’t really convince me but I listened cause he’s a professional. He asked me to steer clear from going back on Lex until his suspicions were proven wrong. After a month of monitoring he ruled it out (Bipolar was never an assumption or something I related to as an experience) and everytime I read about the symptoms I don’t feel as if that’s something I go through - never felt manic highs/lows (I’m aware those are very brush-stroke symptoms and there’s more to it) but nobody around me has that concern except anxious old me. I’m wanting to go back on SSRIs because they worked so well for me but my mental-health anxiety is holding me back. I’m so scared of psychotic episodes (exacerbated by my community who are survivors of B2D etc…) that I’ve developed OCD like fixations on ‘experiencing life as someone with schizophrenia’ because my partner’s auntie has it, and my life is emotionally chaotic (high stress freelancer working in the arts). Depersonalisation scares me. My biggest enemy is me. I know Lexapro helps but I’m struggling to feel safe enough to go back on because my psychiatrist was slightly convinced (then disproven) about potential bipolar. Anyone else experience fear of psychosis, helped by SSRIs? I can’t stop looking out into the distance and thinking ‘I’m going crazy, it’s just a matter of time…’ I love this community of brave healers. 🩵