I’m tired of feeling the way I do all the time. Always on edge, always irritable, always speedy, always needy, always dramatic, always talkative, always worrying. I’m tired of the headaches, lightheadedness, heat flashes, drops and spikes in energy and appetite, etc. I just want to have one full, good day. I thought after some time off meds and being sober my mental state would get better and while I do feel at least more consistent and less like my feelings are unpredictable, every day is still suffering. At best, one day might be slightly better than another. I’m sick of having to hide how shitty I feel all the time in an attempt not to make everyone else around me either pity me or straight out uncomfortable. I’m sick of driving everyone away or being a burden despite how hard they try to convince me I’m not. I can see it and how my anxiety affects everyone, and how equally tired they are of putting up with me. It absolutely terrifies me to think I’ll have to tolerate this shit for the rest of my life. I’m not suicidal, so no worries there, but ffs it feels like things will never get better and like there’s no point in forced optimism.