So, I had a therapy session today where I was describing to my therapist this anxiety I feel with my loved ones. He was able to label it specifically as anticipatory anxiety as I struggle to eat, shower, get out of bed out of fear of running into another person. And dealing with that confrontation and what not. So I push my support system away and just anyone who is checking up on me ONLY WHILE I’m depressed. It’s gotten to the point where I have like 60 unread messages that I’ve seen, but refuse to get back until I feel like I’m in a good place or just not depressed. My rationale for it is that I’m not gonna act like ‘typical me’ who I would describe as the exact opposite of me now. ‘Typical me’ basically is a upbeat, sociable, active person.

I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in the past. The depression has cycled on and off for about 6 years now.

So I did my ‘homework’ a little after therapy and ran a brief google search on anticipatory anxiety. And I know what I can find online. The advice I would like is maybe some tips to get over this anxiety or fear of interacting with others and having a negative outcome. Like I know FOMO is a thing too, and it’s starting to tack on to my issues because I’m not doing anything to interact with other people other than therapy (I hardly leave my house atm aside from occasional walks). I’ve practiced journaling, setting and completely daily ‘anchors’ for myself; my solo coping mechanism only do so much, when im feeling well my most useful way to cope is to lean on my supports. But I deprive myself of this when im depressed. Almost like I get this feeling that I deserve to be miserable.

I’ve considered looking for a job or going back to school. I have this fear of commitment with those two things because of past experiences where I feel like I failed or did poorly at a job or uni. The last time I was at uni I fell into a depressive episode and landed in hospital. The last time I held a job it was very triggering for me and eventually, I stopped going (was a temp anyway). After that, I actually successfully applied for a job, but I was too scared to accept the job offer out of fear that I’d fuck up the same way I did at my last job.

I think I need anything to boost my confidence. Preferably involving other people. I have been making sure to go to therapy, take my meds, and have even started going to a virtual support group (I’m hoping to build up courage to go to an in-person one).

So yeah any life advice on getting over anticipatory anxiety, social anxiety, or anything I said above would be greatly appreciated! Thank you 🫶🏽