3 weeks ago I suffered my first psychosis. I got involuntary committed to the hospital after being tasered by police multiple times at the ER for supposedly trying to take their gun. they needed 8 police officers to hold me down, I believed they were trying to kill me. I was severely abused at the ER, they drugged me with midazolam and haloperidol so much I lost my consciousness multiple times and then brought me back to consciousness. They did this to get me calm enough for the conversation with the psychiatrist and the mayor. So they could sign off the legal requirements and get me involuntary committed to the psych ward.

Im still at the psych ward currently, but voluntary. They drug me with risperidone which makes me not feeling anything, I hate it. I’ve been involuntary committed to psych wards my entire youth, I just want a normal life and these meds don’t seem to give me that. How can I ever have a girlfriend while taking meds that make me behave like a zombie? I believe I just need someone to give a damn about me, so I don’t feel lost and act on certain things that come up

Edit: I’m from the Netherlands