i had to buy a bathing suit this weekend for an upcoming trip for swimming with dolphins and beach going stuff.. im freaking out and its making me want to intensify my r behaviors until hubs and i leave Wed for FL. (Honestly will prob have to continue on the new stricter numbers while we are there, that'll be the new goal post as per usual..and since I have been trying and am a complete failure at intuitive eating, im getting close to that in between space of gentle nudges from my husband for eating more and more worried looks/plans for help and jumpy heart etc.. Idk i guess im just so so stressed and want to enjoy our vacation/anniversary not be worried constantly about i look in a bathing suit or end up grouchy cause im trying to maintain my pre decided bathing suit figure.. i just want to be normal.. ffs ..i hate this all so much.

Idk what im looking for here i guess just talking to a community i know gets it on a bone deep level.

ETA- i bought a tank top and shorts to cover up as best i could, but theres still soo much room for error/failures