This isn't as bad as it sounds. But I think most people in the The U.S.A have some sort of unhealthy eating habits (most people binge/over eat). But I think as someone who is a former anorexic, I put this tremendous amount of inportance on having perfect eating habits.

Like today, I got hungry. Since overcoming my anorexia I told myself that whenever I am hungry, I need to eat a meal. But I was stuck on campus at my college & there was nothing I wanted to eat. So I just stayed a little hungry for a few hours until I got home.

Within that time, I was seriously over analyzing rather or not it was acceptable that I was not eating because there was nothing I wanted to eat. Most other people who aren't anorexic wouldn't really think about it. Yeah, maybe I could have forced myself to eat SOMETHING, but I didn't want to or feel like it. And I think that's ok. As long as I wasn't trying to starve myself purposely to lose weight.

Another thing to note, because I know how bad it sounds as a former anorexic to say I was hungry & not eating, BUT me not eating did not trigger crazy cravings & a desire to binge, which is something that would ALWAYS happen when I starved myself for anorexic purposes. I was able to ignore my slight hunger & go about my day until i got some food I wanted.

After school, I went shopping. I brought some snacks & then binged the snacks. I know this sounds like typical anorexic behavior, especially with the info I provided in the immediate previous paragraph, but let me explain.

I VERY recently made the decision to stop being anorexic. I have bettered my relationship with food when it comes in the form or MEALS. I have not been snacking at all. Snacks are a whole other beast. Meals are filling & easy to determine a whole serving, but snacks generally aren't. It's hard to explain, but lately, I've been VERY good with meals, I eat 3-4 meals a day & the meals are twice the size of the meals I ate when I was anorexic. When I am hungry, I feed myself a whole MEAL. Not a snack.

I didn't expect my desire to binge to be triggered when I had all these snacks in my house.

Today, buying all these snacks, (bag of popcorn, crisps, & grapes) just really threw me off. I think from now on, I won't buy snacks for my house, I'll only buy snacks when I'm out & about.

I know if it wasn't for the snacks, I woulda came home & just ate a full meal then maybe 1 or 2 more & just been ok for the day. But going back to my original point, maybe binging on snacks is ok? Most people binge anyway. But as a former anorexic with body image issues, binging bothers me a lot.

Idk, i just don't want to starve myself OR binge. I think cutting snacks out is something feasible I can do that will help me better my relationship with food.