Ok so I (22F) want to start off this post by saying that contrary to what the title implies, I am not an angry drunk. I’m just confused because I’m aware the outbursts only happen when I’m with my bf (21M) of 2 years. This has been a pattern for a very long time and I know he gets a little concerned every time I drink because it can go either one of two ways. I’m aware that when I’m drunk and I start spiraling it usually goes downhill fairly quickly. Usually what happens is that I will bring up stuff from the past and keep going to the point where it pisses him off. And I do it on purpose cuz I know he’ll get upset but I guess in my brain it doesn’t really matter because he hurt me?

So I’ll just bring up dumb shit that I know is irrelevant in the big picture but letting go of things he’s done to me throughout the relationship or coming to terms with things he did in the past before meeting me is hard to do. And it’s not that he did things prior to me, everyone has a past. But when we first started dating he would constantly talk about his experiences with other girls or just things with other girls and hearing all of that was hard for me. It took me a while to tell him how I felt cuz I really wanted to be the “cool” girlfriend and not take shit so seriously but I realized there’s a balance and it wasn’t worth it at the expense of me being comfortable.

I don’t know what his point was in saying all of that to me in the first place but I find it very hypocritical of him seeing as he gets mad whenever I mention me having any type of conversation with another male whether it be a male coworker or something. It could something as small as me telling him that my coworker and I were discussing this artist we both like and he’ll say “Go be with him then”. So he has his own insecurity issues as well but I’ll admit he doesn’t take it out on me when he drinks, which is rarely because he’s a smoker, not a drinker. Getting to my point, how do I stop bringing up old shit and saying hurtful things to him when I drink? I’m not sure if the resentment is too much and I should just end the relationship or what.

Whenever I drink, even if it’s to excess, with my friends, this never happens. I always have a really good time with them so I don’t know why I can’t be like this with my bf as well. Maybe I should either just pace myself or not drink at all when I’m with him but it sucks cuz I feel like I should be able to. He has apologized for the things he’s said and ever since I mentioned to him how it bothered me he hasn’t done them since then but I can’t stop my brain from thinking about them sometimes. I don’t why but it becomes sort of obsessive for me even though I know it’s not helpful for either of us or our relationship.

Also I know sometimes posts in this sub don’t get much traction so if anyone has any other subs they can recommend me posting to please let me know.