I put my hands in his coat pockets lovingly, flirtatiously. He freaked out and grabbed my left hand and squeezed. I felt a glass pipe in his pocket wrapped in cloth. He wouldn't show me what was in his pocket, turned it back on me, told me that he's having severe paranoia and that I'm making it worse. I told him that all he had to do was show me what was in his pocket and we could go back to cooking dinner. He exploded at me, then took off walking to God knows where.

I'm angry beyond belief because all of the lies are adding up, he's run out of excuses for his insane behavior. I left last year after his paranoia destroyed our relationship. He went to a lot of trouble to bring me and our kids back home.

I have only one option now. Leave and file for an ex parte hearing for custody of our children.

I'm angry that this man has gaslit me for two years now. He's played with my mind and my heart without remorse. He's said chilling, unnerving things to me. He's used excuses about seeking mental health help for ADHD, psychosis, sleep disorders, and lied to medical professionals.

He wants to be on a stimulant for ADHD, but has recently voiced some concerns about being drug tested in order to be prescribed medication. He quit his antidepressant cold turkey over a year ago and has been scary ever since.

I feel stupid, used, naive, scared. The cognitive dissonance is real. I can't understand why my stupid brain can't see this while it's happening.

TLDR: caught my husband off eight years with a Meth pipe in his pocket and he ran off. I can't fucking believe it. Thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?