Content warning: Violence, rape, abuse, foster care system, adoption, extreme language. Seriously, don't read if you're not in an OK headspace. I'd rather the post get ignored than send someone into a spiral.

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So I've been stewing over this all day and I need to get it out.

I work at a place that helps kids who have been abused or aren't able to be homed by "the system" because of past abuse/trauma manifesting in serious anti-social behavior (usually violence.) The kids we work with have seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, there are people who have quit the day they started because they read through the kids files and just nope'd straight out of there.

The pay is garbage. It's barely above minimum wage. We're expected to deal with kids who can and do attack people, several staff have been hospitalized after being sucker punched, it's happened several times where kids were caught planning a gang rape of a staff member (thankfully it was never carried out.)

Even with all that going on, that isn't the worst part of this job. The absolute worst part of this job is talking to other people about it.

It's frustrating when people say some version of "Oh well hopefully there's a good Christian family out there that is willing to take one of these kids in and give them a loving home."

Mother. Fucker.

A lot of these kids are here because they've already gone through several "good Christian families." Maybe they killed the family dog, maybe they beat their sibling so badly they had to be hospitalized, maybe they can't stop sexualizing their interactions with certain people. Whatever the reason, they're with us because they haven't technically done enough to get put in jail and are generally severely emotionally disturbed.

What sails past frustrating and right smack into "blood spraying out of the eyeballs infuriating" is when any discussion of pay comes up.

Today I was waiting in line and it was going to be a while so the woman behinds me strikes up a conversation. Just a basic "Hey, we're gonna be here a while, let's pass the time by chit-chatting." I'm not a huge fan of small-talk but whatever I can people for a bit.

We meander around for a few minutes before discussing local minimum wage which is set to go up in the relatively near future with the ultimate goal of $15/hr. She's expressing her displeasure that people without an education are demanding so much money and they should just be happy they have a job.

Meanwhile I'm trying not to clench my teeth to the point of needing my molars surgically extracted from my ear and I point out that a lot of these jobs are a lot harder than they seem at first glance.

I use my job as an example. On the surface it looks easy; clean up the center while the kids are asleep, if a kid wets or craps the bed clean it and them up, if someone has a nightmare calm them down. Simple, right?

So how do you calm down a six year old who can't stop having nightmares about their older brother who raped them from before they can remember? Like what do you actually say to a child who tells you that? "It's ok, you're safe here, they can't come in here."

Their bed at home was supposed to be safe, until it wasn't.

What do you do with a kid who can't stop wetting the bed or crapping in his underwear because that was how he learned to prevent being fondled and now he can't stop?

She gave me the look. It's a look I've become very familiar with and it says "I know your job is hard, I'm glad you're doing it and not me." It's gratitude but gratitude more that they don't have to deal with it. She goes on to tell me that I'm a "good person" for doing what I do and that I'm "doing god's work."

My molars are now actually being pressed out the back of my head now and I'm fairly certain I've sprained a muscle in my jaw from clenching my teeth so hard.

I wanted to say something trite or just loose my cool and dress her down right there but I was just too angry to even talk. I just turned away and stared burn marks in the wall.

"Your job is hard, to the point where I couldn't do it, but you don't deserve to be paid appropriately for it."

That was the takeaway I got from that. I should be ok with kudos but, actual money? I didn't go to college and most of the job doesn't sound that hard so I really don't deserve more than a few cents over minimum wage.

I think I'm just going to start telling people I'm a webcam model or an escort. I feel like it would be easier to deal with the reactions from that than constantly hearing that I'm "doing god's work."

God's pay scale fucking sucks.

/rant.