Hello everyone!

I (mid 20, ftm) have provoked vulvodynia (vestibulodynia to be exact). A vague medical term for a condition that gives burning and lasting pain whenever the skin of a part of the vulva is touched/rubbed. I’ve had this ever since puberty (at 12 before even knowing I am trans) and have never had a “normal” PIV sexuality… I quite quickly turned to AO to spare myself the pain that can last for up to an hour after even light contact to the skin.

EVERY partner I’ve ever had has insisted one way or another to “just try and see if it still hurts” or to “just for a few minutes” and I often accept out of weariness… and quickly come to regret it when i have to deal with the pain for the next 20minutes to hour.

I sometimes find myself yearning for “normalcy”. Being able to chose anal because I want it. I feel so alone, fetishized for having a pussy but not being able to use, having gone to a dozen gynecologists before getting an answer, dealing with the pain after my partner has had their fill…

I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is… It’s part rant, and part search for people with similar experiences. How do you deal with not really having a choice? How do you deal with the feeling of actually wanting PIV? How do you counter the feeling of being broken..?

[edit to add: my condition and my transness have nothing to do with each other, other than the fact that my pussy became 1000 times more fetishized since my transition. Testosterone did not influence the pain, nor did my second puberty… Also: I mean, I really like anal. It’s fun! The sensations are just different from vaginal, and I sometimes feel really broken for not being able to use my parts as I wish…]