Look, I know what you are thinking. You've heard the stories, how we'll jump anything slightly male-shaped in a heartbeat-- hell, you've even seen the proof of our supposed 'promiscuity' in the many half-elves that walk around these days. But let's get one thing clear, alright? Elves are not lewd! There is absolutely nothing to suggest that elves, regardless of gender, are easier to bed than humans or halflings, and it is certainly not true that almost all elves can get off by having the tip of their ears rubbed just right. I-- I mean, that's-- there's a little more to it than that! And so what if we can? It's not like there is anything wrong with enjoying your own body, and it's not like I've ever done it in the middle of a conversation with a human while imagining what his cock would taste like, trying to keep my face neutral because stroking the pointed tip of my ear with two gentle fingers was making me so wet that I had to fight not to squirm, and the image of him bending me over and plunging that thick cock into my tight elven snatch was making it hard to concentrate on what he was saying--

I, uh, guess I got sidetracked. But, to get back to the point, it's simply not true that elves are lewd. Okay, so we may be open to the idea of sharing our bodies a little more freely than you humans; that's just our culture, though, and doesn't say anything about our natural proclivity for sex. And even if I do sometimes walk into a seedy tavern with the express intention of slipping beneath someone's table and glazing my throat with a sticky load of his spunk, that doesn't make me lewd! Nor does the fact that I constantly wear skirts mean that I am totally okay with you slipping your cock between my cheeks whenever I bend over. A "hello" would be nice! Or at the very least a bit of spit on your dick before you shove it it. It may, possibly, be true that we tend to be pretty, ah, accessible in terms of wetness, but at least be polite enough to give me some warning, you know? That doesn't make me lewd, that's just being sensible.

Frankly, I am sick and tired of people suggesting that since I wear revealing outfits with conveniently placed buttons, I must be some kind of insatiable slut. Just because we are long lived doesn't mean we enjoy wasting our time, okay? And having to pinch just one button to get my tits out is very handy-- not that I'd expect your flat-chested human women to understand. And on the topic of your women, why is it that you never see them sucking cock in public? If I didn't know better, I'd think they were too squeamish to take a cock down their throat. And it's not like they offer their third hole to make up for it, is it? Hell, last time I was getting ass-fucked in the alley behind the tavern, some human girl gave me the stink-eye and called me a whore! Can you believe that? I mean, if she can't put out enough to keep her man from fucking an elf in the ass, that's her problem, not mine! And so what if I let him blow his load in me after just five minutes of quiet flirtation and eye-fucking? That ought to be my privilege as a proud and noble elf.

And yeah, okay, we may sometimes go a bit ga-ga for large dicks; orcs, centaurs, minotaurs in particular (oh my god!), but that's no excuse to call us lewd. It's not! What, you're saying you don't care that my breasts are big enough to lose a small dog between? Or that my waist flares into two generous handfuls of squeezable ass? Yeah, that's what I thought. Everyone loves sexy things, and just because we have a hard time fighting the urge to get down on our knees for an orc or well-endowed human doesn't mean we are cheap or easy. I bet if I came up to you and offered you to eat and fuck my asshole, you'd jump at the chance! Hell, I know so; that's what happened the last ten times. So don't go playing all high and mighty on me, any of you! We are a proud and cultured race who deserve respect-- at least enough respect to be told when you're about to cum so I don't choke on it. Just... just tap me on the head or something. You know? It's not hard. You don't even gotta say anything, just a light tap on the head to show that dinner's ready. You don't want me walking around with a face full of cum, do you?

..oh, you do?

Well.. I guess that'd be okay.