I (2M, SIC) have a mommy (human) that goes out hunting almost every day. She’s gone for most of the day, but she always comes back empty handed, she’s never brought back a dead bird or mouse, not even a lizard! Clearly she is a terrible hunter, and spending so time outside is a waste of time, so she might as well stay home and play with me all day. At home we have a magic bowl that produces unlimited amounts of kibble, and another magic bowl that never runs out of water, so I really don’t see the point of going out hunting!

I’ve figured out that when she’s about to go on one of those pointless hunting trips, she says “bye-bye” to me. So now whenever she says “bye-bye”, I cry and pounce on her legs, wrapping my arms around her ankles and my mouth around her calves. Surely the weight of a mighty tomcat around her ankle can prevent her from walking away?

But mommy says I am the cloaca. She says I have to let go of her because she “has to go to werk”. I have no idea what that means but it sounds kinda pointless, does anyone else’s human do this “go to werk” thing? To me it just sounds like a bad excuse for being a useless hunter.

AITC for preventing my mommy from leaving?

Also, does anyone have any better ideas for stopping her from going away every morning? My current method of attaching myself to her ankle doesn’t seem to be working because she’s much bigger than me and can still walk with me wrapped around her leg.

Edit: Here’s a few pics of me with my mouth and arms lovingly wrapped around the leg:

https://imgur.com/a/8tbna7R