I am Tilly. My original post is here. I am a majestic 12F cat, and I am here again because I know my human sometimes reads these and she needs to understand how right I am.

As you read, please keep the following in mind: I am a queen. I am brilliant and frequently affectionate with my subjects (except for my idiotic sister- I am quite certain our mother dropped her on her head when she was a kitten. Repeatedly). However, my benevolence should never be mistaken for abdication of my power or position, a point which I unfortunately have to make repeatedly.

My human "Mom" left without express permission for 10 days. In fact, she left in direct defiance of my standing order that she may not leave. Ever. She commits this offense five days out of seven, but at least comes back for dinner and for bedtime, middle of the night, and early morning cuddles. To not come home at all is a grave offense. "Aunt," my dearly beloved, who moved away without permission and now always smells like that man was here for half of the time, which at least is an improvement over previous violations.

Because I am good and benevolent, I gave generous lap cuddles tonight when my errant mother finally saw fit to return home. Mother knows the rule: If I am in the lap, nothing else can occupy her hands and, ideally, nothing else should occupy her attention. If she is using that dumb rectangle that is always in her hand, I gently remind her of this by hooking a paw around her wrist and pulling her hand towards me. I am patient, am I not?

If she insists on having the Magic Window on and is not making it show my birds or anything else of interest to me, she should also not pay attention to it. Careful attention must be paid to where I am petted and for how long each spot is scritched. Tonight, she followed the No Dumb Rectangle rule quite well, but unfortunately was staring too much at the Magic Window. I could not be bothered with signals tonight- the subtle tensing of my muscles, the way I draw my head back slightly and cease to purr- No, not after 10 days. It's absurd. I went right for an instructive bite. A good one that left a small mark. She said "HEY!" loudly and in a tone I find difficult to interpret. For a cat, this would be an expression of righteous indignation. For a disobedient human it's....anger of some sort? Ridiculous, I know. The worst part? The idiot sister had given a drooly and gentle love bite in almost the same spot earlier and I think I got some of her spit on me. Ugh.

So, AITC? Lol.