First, introductions.

I am Tilly (12F, felis catus), and I am majestic. I believe you people would say I am majestic AF, and you would be right. I am. I have an excellent command of human language and I am a budding telepathist.

I live with my human "mom" and my sister, the Flopping Idiot (FI). We have lived with our human mom since we were itty bitty babies and came to her as "foster" kittens. I am not sure what this word means, but I have heard her use it in reference to our early days. Although my intellect is as vast as it is considerable, I am not all brain. I have needs. Emotional needs. I'm not embarrassed by them. I am not just a brain. I am heart. I am soul.

My needs, I think, are not too taxing. I need regular lap time, on my terms. I need to be petted, but not in certain spots, when I am in certain positions, or when I am reposing on particular pieces of furniture. I need certain windows open so I can look out. I need to watch my favorite YouTube channel that shows the birds.

My biggest need, however, is bedtime and early morning cuddles. Bedtime cuddles are delivered thusly: Mom must lay on her left side, make a tent with the covers, arrange my blankie, allow me to crawl under the covers, turn around, and "nurse" on my favorite blankie. She must drop the covers at precisely the right time- not too early or too late, and she must divine supernaturally what is too early or too late each night, because it changes. If the covers are not dropped at the right time, I will leave and we have to start again. Bedtime and early mornings are the only time I nurse and I don't see a problem with it. Although I am intelligent, and majestic AF, I am also still a precious baby. I am a cat, and such is the way of my people.

Bedtime cuddles are hit and miss. The FI wants the same and if she beats me to it, I am out of luck and banish myself to my other favorite blankie, kept for me at the foot of the bed. I am sad. But FI is a beast. She's smaller than me by a lot, but there is no stopping her if she wants something. Mom is useless against the idiot's chirping, rolling, purring, and stomach-turning "cuteness."

But early morning cuddles-- these I feel should be mine exclusively. Mom gets up at around 6:00 each morning, so to ensure I have enough time, I start anywhere from 4:30 AM to 5:15 AM in soliciting cuddles. Usually mom is sleeping on her right side, so I perch on the edge of the bed, where there is almost no space for me, and stare at her. I use my brain waves to alert her to my presence. If she pretends to stay asleep, I scritch her. Please note: I scritch. I do NOT scratch. I just unsheathe my glorious claws the littlest bit and tap her repeatedly on the hand. She must then roll over onto her left side, position my blankie, and make a tent for me.

I don't want to cuddle long, and sometimes I don't want to cuddle at all. I want to go under the covers turn around, stand there for a moment, and then hop back out. I want to do this repeatedly. Sometimes I want mom to rearrange the blankie. Sometimes, I think, I just want to know she will accommodate me. Sometimes I settle down for a good nurse and then leave a minute later. Sometimes I would really like mom to pet me nonstop as I nurse, but she is always trying to go back to sleep. It's annoying. Sometimes she does pet me, but it is too much, and I leave, and we need to try again. Sometimes she actually starts to fall asleep and I "brrp" at her and jump out of bed. A lot of the time, she cannot go back to sleep and she keeps tossing and turning. It's quite inconsiderate. Sometimes, when she is just about to fall asleep, I begin again. Staring. Scritching. Hoping that this time, this time, she will get it right. I feel I am being very generous with the amount of chances I am giving for cuddles.

The worst part is, sometimes the FI wants to get in on the action. She hears me and mom from the other room and comes running in to horn in on my cuddles. I have been trying to get mom into a good routine, so I have been waking her up consistently around 5 AM every morning. Lately, she has been saying things that make me think, maybe, just maybe I-- well, we, since the idiot is part of the problem here-- are in the wrong. Mom says things like "You fucking cats, can I just have ONE full night of sleep please?" or "If you're going to cuddle, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD YOU SETTLE DOWN AND DO IT?" Shockingly, the other morning, she actually made a sound that went "N-oh" or "Noh," and put a pillow over her face and hid her hands under the covers. This is one human word I have always struggled with, so I'm not entirely sure what she is trying to communicate, but I am pretty sure I do not like it.

I am a self assured, beautiful creature, who has not forgotten the wild ways of my ancestors, but even so, this situation is causing moments of doubt. Is it possible...could it be...AITC?

A small sampling of my regal self: https://imgur.com/a/BT0fvZy