Husband says he'll clean up after himself but often doesn't, citing that he'll wait till "his days off" work to do it, but doesn't. I like a somewhat clean house and it stresses me to have to clean up if I want it done within a week or 10 days of it happening.

Husband says he'd clean up after himself when he moved in, but his bachelor pad (old house that was his parents') was so dirty (bugs, mice, roof leaks, etc) they he still hasn't ever let me see the full inside of it, despite me offering to help with cleaning or repairs, etc.

Well, his messes at our place (that was just my place before he moved in) finally got to me so much that I lost my cool and i even mentioned separation. However, it was late at night after his uncle's funeral earlier that afternoon that I did this. :(

I apologized to him for the timing and felt terrible for adding any emotional burden at this time.

Any time I get angry about his messes, he says he "hasn't cleaned them yet" because my being angry about it "stresses him out" to the point he "can't" clean.

The day of the funeral I temporarily lost sight of everything he was dealing with and chose that time to voice my frustrations. My own emotions were so charged that I forgot about his, and I feel terrible about it.

AITB? If so, I'd appreciate any direction on how I can apologize to him or help us get through this

Edit: a few people have mentioned husband might have ADHD etc which can cause executive (dys)function. I was recently diagnosed with it, but I'll see about getting him checked as well. Thank you for thinking of this, "outside the box". My already having to manage my own etc could also make his clutter seem worse, especially at bad times. I also struggle with chronic pain, which makes picking up after him seem more of a physical and mental chore, adding to stress. Isn't life fun? Lol