To summary, my father got diabetes, but because of the lack of self care it eventually spiraled and he got a seizure attack while driving (3 years ago). He managed to come out alive, but half of his body is paralyzed and his brain was partly damaged (easy to forget, can speak but slowly, act like a kid most of the time). Overall it becomes the rest of family duty to take care of him and probably this will last until the rest of his life.

As for our relationship it isn't bad but it isn't great either. He's basically the silent introvert type so we never really bond that much outside of maybe dinner time. But he did try to provide me with a stable good life so there's that.

It's also important to note that unlike Western side, in Asia it's common to expect children to take care of their parents without complaints until the rest of their lives. We also live a nuclear family style so he and me and my brother / his wife all live in the same house.

Also the first few years was a nightmare (constant need to go to hospital to check up and he also threw tantrum a lot) but it had become a lot more stable now. Still, it doesn't mean it's not stressful after a long period of time. We have to feed him, give him a bath, check his meds, help him do exercise etc every day and repeat. While we did have a keeper for him they are on and off so it's not always reliable. We don't really go on vacation anymore unless we can take him along, and even if we do we have to constantly check back to make sure if he's okay it ruins the vibe. He can walk by himself with a stick but due to his weak brain and leg it's easy for him to fall so there need to be at least one person watching him always. We even occasionally fight over schedule of who's watching him and at one point I have to wake up at midnight to take him to a hospital.

So yeah, this is more of intrusive thought and I never really speak it out loud to the family, but at this point if he passes away I can't say if I will even feel sad, but just call it a day then move on instead. Which makes me doubt if I am a good son and hence this thread.