My (26f) parents (49f & 55m) divorced 4 years ago after 25 years of marriage and my dad has never quite got it together since. He's always had a full time job and has a steady income, but he doesn't have a car or a physical place to live. He crashes on peoples couches and uses public transport to get to work. He had a troubled youth which he uses in retort to being asked about getting his drivers license. When asked about getting an apt, he uses the economy as an excuse. In the first year this was fine because the divorce would have been fresh and I didnt push it because it was all so sudden, but its been 4 years of using the same excuses. Since the divorce, my brother 21f and I have tried to see him once a week if we can. When we all used to live together, my dad was someone I could joke with but never confide in. Differing communication styles and political beliefs have always gotten between our emotional connection. Regardless, I love him and he's always taken care of us in his own way.

So heres the situation: because my dad relies on public transport and I'm the only one with a car, I'm the driver. When my parents were married my mom was the one who was the sole driver until my brother and i got our licenses. My brother is still saving for a car but has one in the works to pick up very soon. So most of our "quality time" with my dad involves me picking up my brother and dad (both in different cities) to go to a restaurant and maybe walk around a store for a few hours. My dad and I have such different opinions on things and also the same fiery temperament, so we argue a lot. I've learned to let most things go knowing hes not mature enough to, and I notice him intentionally saying things ill disagree with just to push my buttons. Arguing in a restaurant over the same ethical issues every other week is very exhausting. And so is driving from city to city to pick up my dad for 4 years straight.

Most people I tell all of this to can see how upset it makes me and most suggest cutting contact completely. I've considered it many times, but my feelings towards him are more complicated than just being able to cut him off. Hes had a rough life and I know thats no excuse to act the way he does sometimes, but through it all its very clear how much he cares about his children. It would hurt both of us immensely to have this sudden ultimatum dropped on him. But I'm also very fed up and not sure what else to make him get his act together after 4 YEARS. I've been inconveniencing myself for years and I still want to have a relationship with him, just not out of obligation. WIBTA if I finally put my foot down and stopped this arrangement at the expense of spending time with my dad?

Any advice is also greatly appreciated.