Im 25 & my mom is in her 50s. A few years ago, she asked me to co-sign on a car for her because her credit isn’t very good. She made the promise that I’d be able to use the car whenever I needed since my car is a very old, very rusty piece of shit that is not reliable (or quite frankly safe) to drive more than a few miles. We refinanced hers last year and somehow the bank messed up and the loan is entirely in my name, but both our names are on the title. She makes all the payments on it, but it effects my credit & has prevented me from getting loans.

I haven’t bothered to get a new car because the pandemic happened. I still work from home. I drive maybe 30 miles in a week and that’s if I have a lot to do. It’s not an extra expense I’ve needed. I’ve used my moms car on long trips or when I had lots of errands to run. Usually I use it for the day & bring it back, but sometimes if I’m too tired to drive, I’ll keep it overnight for a day or so. This has caused issues because there’s been times I don’t bring it back right when I say I will.

An important factor in this is that my mom has a habit of telling me what I can/can’t do, even as an adult. “No kids until you’re 25! Wait no now 2 more years!” “No getting pets!” “No buying xyz!” And she will get blatantly mad at me for even bringing it up. Stomping, rolling her eyes, scoffing & yelling. For instance, I just used some of my recent settlement money to get a new bed & it turned into a huge fight where we didn’t talk for a bit.

Well my fiancé & I decided to get a dog. Since I brought it up to her, she’s been stomping her feet and having fits telling me not to. Today, I told her I’d need the car this week to go get him and she told me “sorry, but I can’t. No.” This turned into a huge fight where I told her that I wanted the car out of my name & the loan switched to hers since she isn’t upholding her end of the promise.

I personally feel this is another control thing. I feel like because she’s so against me getting a dog, that’s why she’s saying no. I’m really sick and tired of her trying to always dictate what I do with my life when I live on my own (have since the week I turned 18), support myself entirely & even support her family too. I have no other way to get this dog, which she knows. My car can’t make the drive, I only have 2 close friends and neither drive, Uber is out of the question since it’d cost $200 one way & idk if they allow dogs.

Part of me wants to say that since the car is in my name, I’m just going to take it. But the other part of me doesn’t want that conflict and just feels like I need to put distance between us. Am I being the asshole for wanting to be removed from the loan? My brother says I am & that I’m the one who’s being controlling.

EDIT: Tbh I was pretty naive & didn’t pay attention fully when we were refinancing. I was just excited to help my mom out & I thought it’d be “our” car since that’s how she’d made it out to be. So in all honesty, they may have clearly said it’d just be in my name and I signed it. In which case, yes I was a dunce for that. Also, I’m well aware I can’t just take my name off the loan and put it in hers. I was talking about having her refinance it to be only under her name. Ty for those who pointed that out & asked for clarification w/o being an ass.

EDIT 2: the bit about it making it harder to get another loan - for the first ~2 years, my debt to income ratio was messed up from the car loan. This last year, my income has doubled and it’s no longer effecting my ability to get loans.