I (23 F) don’t have a good relationship with my husband’s (23 M) family. It’s so bad to the point where I’m NC with his parents and brothers. This is a mutual decision.

His grandma passed away yesterday and the funeral will be held next week. He wants me there and of course I will go to support him, he was at my grandpa’s funeral last year so it’s only fair I go with him this time. However, here’s where I may be the AH, his brothers (24 M and 18 M) hate me so much to the point that they don’t want to see me or hear from me ever again.

I did voice concern to my husband that his brothers will make a scandal at the funeral if I’m there and I’m genuinely worried about unnecessary drama and a bad conflict. My husband accused me of holding a grudge.

I honestly don’t want to go because I don’t want to deal with his toxic family, but I feel obligated as his wife to be there. Also I did know his grandma and she was very sweet to me, the only family member who always treated me with respect.

As my husband’s grandma is technically his step grandma, then my in laws are not in charge of the funeral and therefore have no say in who is invited. It’s her son who is in charge and he has met me and would not be bothered by me coming. He gets the final word on who comes.

UPDATE: So I took everyone’s advice and just stayed out of people’s way but otherwise was civil and courteous and it worked.

Grandma’s partner and grandma’s son (FIL’s step brother) were happy to see me there. MIL did talk to me a bit. MIL’s parents were also there and we talked and sat together for the reception (my husband also sat with us). FIL and younger BIL only talked to me to criticise me, I didn’t respond to them. Older BIL only said good day, but I did not appreciate his fake smile.

In my country it is tradition to designate a few roses that go with the deceased to the grave and there are ribbons around those roses with a greeting and the names of the close family members. To my surprise, my name was included, next to my husband’s name.

All in all a good experience and it was right of me to go to the funeral and no big scandal happened. Thanks everyone for encouraging me to go, I’m glad I did.