Before we met, my (now F17) ex (now M18) didn’t really have any other friends at our college, so I welcomed him into my friend group. As part of that group I can honestly say I was not the best person, and that it was a toxic environment, and I’m a lot nicer now that I’m not with them. From the get-go I was pushed out of the group in favour of my ex, as he was older and able to buy 18 items (such as cigs) for the group. I was isolated after a while, and there was a separate group chat with my ex (who was my partner at the time) where they would all bitch about me and he would do nothing to defend me, he’d cancel plans/ditch me to hang out with them, and he’d always be on the phone to my best friend, which isn’t bad, it was just weird that neither of them mentioned it and that they’d always ditch me to hang out with each other at college or whatever.

Eventually it turned into bullying, which pushed me to relapse (these friends all knew I have poor mental health). The bullying then got to a point where after a series of really nasty text messages my friends convince my ex to break up with me. I tried to save the friendship and apologise but I’d get a different story from each member of the group, and there was so much gossip flying around that I had no on to turn to to truly fix this. Their reasoning was because I just wasn’t good enough for him, and that I was dragging him down. Ex told me that he loved me, but then a few weeks later sent me a series of awful texts blaming me for everything and accusing me of some truly horrific things.

Fast forward to may, I block them all on social media to spend the summer healing and forgetting it all, I have a new friend group who are a lot kinder, and I can see that some of my actions weren’t great, definitely some communication issues to work on etc. I haven’t spoken to ex friends since may. Out of nowhere I get a call from our college saying that they have reported me for bullying, and that they feel threatened by my presence at college. It made me really pissed so in the moment I told the administration everything, the bullying, text messages, that they said they wouldn’t stop until I attempted again, and that my ex had started showing up at places I hang out in our local area with his friends, even though they all live 30 minutes away. (College asked me to make a report at the end of may before summer break, but I refused because I was hoping that I’d be able to fix this mess and be friends with them still).

I think I’m TA because now, the entire group has to go to a bunch of meetings, with potential suspension or being asked to leave to college entirely, or classes. It feels like I overreacted and that I didn’t need to involve to college, as I just want to forget about it, and this will only make it worse. Most of them want to go to good unis next year and this could have ruined their chances of going. I feel like a total asshole.