For context, I’m 20 years old, and just finished my sophomore year of college, and I plan on attending graduate school ad soon as I’m done with my undergrad.

My mom and I used to be super close growing up. In 2017, my older sisters (I’m the youngest) came out and began saying that she was abusive and manipulative, and cut all contact with my mom. Since then, mom’s been really clingy with me - I think because she didn’t want to lose me. Before college I was fine with this, but after college it started going downhill.

Throughout freshman year, she would ask/tell me to meet her halfway for lunch, and she would come to campus to visit (although I was never entirely on board with this). I complied to her, though.

Start of sophomore year, I’m out as non-binary on campus and she doesn’t know, and as she becomes more insistent on coming down to visit me, I push it off with “not right now” or “maybe next semester” because I’m afraid of being outted. I began getting busy with schoolwork, and I started making friends my own age for the first time in my life. I talk to my therapist about her - she tells me to set boundaries, and that it’s okay if I don’t answer her calls every time. She begins calling more and more - when I answer, she talks the entire time (I started timing how long she talked for vs. how long I would talk for: it usually was about 45-55 minutes of her talking, and between 2-5 minutes of me talking).

She starts threatening me that “if I don’t answer the phone/my texts, she’ll come down to my campus.” Mind you, I WAS texting back. This went on for the ENTIRE school year - and it was exhausting. So I came home last week, and I’m miserable. I don’t feel like I have privacy, boundaries, or a space to be myself. I’ve been hiding up in my room a lot, but she likes to barge in unannounced, and talk at me for 30-60 minutes, even if I was in the middle of something. Her excuse is to “see my new cat” but the cat isn’t awake half the time.

She openly admitted to me today that she resented my friends and partner because they take time away from me spending time with her. She also said that she won’t allow them to spend time in our house “if she doesn’t get one-on-one time with her smoochie poo” (her nickname for me).

I feel so stuck - I hate living here, and I’m resenting her even though this is partially my fault. I’m already daydreaming of moving far away from home for grad school (though she’s told me recently that she can and would follow me wherever I go). I feel so incredibly guilty for feeling like this, when I know therapy or trying to have a conversation could help. I’m terrified of talking to her about this in fear of her taking it the wrong way, and at the same time, I can’t set strong boundaries with her. AITA for feeling this way/distancing myself from her while I’m away at college?

If I’m not the AH, could someone please illustrate what a normal parent/kid relationship looks like at this stage?