Not sure how to start but I (27m) am in a fight with my partner (28f). It's been a long running issue involving cleaning and her cat. She is a stay at home mum to our 1yr old, mostly due to covid making finding a job difficult and no work that will cover costs of daycare when we both work.

I work as a teacher, leaving the house by 7am and getting home around 4/4:30pm. When I get home I look after the baby until she has her nap around 6:30, then cook dinner for us, wake baby to feed and eat with her, play with her, then do her bedtime routine of shower, storybook, bottle, sleep. I am happy spending time with my daughter and do mind that at all. But in the past year, my partner has cooked a total of 14 nights. The baby wakes up at 10/11am (she is a great sleeper), and has a nap from 2pm until I get home. During the time the baby sleeps, my partner plays Xbox. She doesn't make herself lunch or breakfast, do any cleaning, prep dinner, fold clothes, etc. I do not force her into the archaic gender roles of old. But I work all day as a teacher, come home, cook, do dishes, do washing, do shopping, and do general cleaning. I understand looking after the baby can be draining, but so is teaching and managing 25 kids and all the other work responsibilities.

It's all come to a head today when I went in search of a cat per smell (her cat, I am highly allergic and take antihistamines twice a day so she can have it). It turned out the cat had peed on her x-rays that were placed under the bed on a container. I had moved the x-rays from the wardrobe where they were getting hit/bent to keep them safe. She gets mad at me because now they are ruined (only need a wipe off which I am refusing to do) and I should have known it would happen. This caused me to snap at her that she should tidy up once and a while and maybe clean her cats litter so I didn't always have to (there would be days I forget or fall asleep before cleaning out the poop). She has not fed the cat (always me) or done a litter change since I've been with her. She started getting mad earlier because my lunchbox for school was on a chair she went to sit on to eat (the McDonald's I got her on the way home) and started saying I never put things away. I agree I can be forgetful and leave things in places they don't go, but it's only things that would be a slight inconvenience to move.

I usually let things slide and just do what needs to be done to keep the peace. But with a rent inspection tomorrow and a bunch that needs to be done, I just wanted her to take some responsibility and help in any way. Am I the asshole for snapping at her?

TL;DR My stay at home partner rarely does any cooking, cleaning, or pet care (her cat, I am allergic). This all falls on me to do along with my full time job and caring for baby when I am home. I snapped at her after she yelled at me and now I feel like shit.