Me M55, my wife F54. Tonight is the birthday of our friend Nat (F44) she's invited our regular group of friends to come. In our group we have a 'rule' that on a birthday one (or two) of us volunteer gather up cash from everyone and buy the birthday boy/girl a nice larger present. That way you dont get a bunch of small well meant but potentially less useful things you didnt ask for.

Now my wife called me during the week to ask if we could gift Nat the surplus to requirements (new - dont ask) toilet seat we have laying around. I was confused and asked why? She explained that at the last birthday Nat had taken it upon herself to get the group gift but had pressed everyone in the group very hard that it was better if we all took a personal present too. That everyone had something laying around that was 'too nice to throw away but of no use to you' and that A (F41) would surely use. She then proceeded to describe a few choice items like a pan without a lid, empty jam jars and yada yada. The idea was nixed because the rest of us knew A hates trinkets and mess and secondly her hubby happens to work at the recycling yard and already brings more crap home than you can shake a pointed stick at. A was actually horrified when she heard about the idea after the fact.

Fast forward to today, I understood that we would give the toilet seat have a laugh and then give Nat her real present. Turns out everyone in the group is bringing crap wrapped up (44 presents in total for 44 year anniversary) and she'll be expected to open them all before any hint is given of the real present. Nat's hubby and everyone else is in on this and they have been talking about for weeks apparently. The reason I only just got clued in is because professionally I am away for long periods and just spent a month abroad. Our group of friends see each other regularly none are AH and even if there may be the one or the other quirk you might like or not in each of them you cant ask for more loyal and supportive friends in our very rural and isolated area where we live. Ages range from 27 to 62 in the group - juvenile adolescence doesnt come into the sense of humour.

I am frankly uncomfortable with the prank - the toilet seat was one thing but going through 44 things (my wife has wrapped 14 with a few I find less funny in any case). My wife says to lighten up and that everyone thinks it will be hilarious. Nat is a really nice person but again I think she might not find it so funny, her idea for A which triggered this whole affair was silly but well meant. This just seems cruel to me, so WIBTA if I didnt stop this prank?

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RESOLUTION: So thank you everyone for confirming my gut feeling. As it turned out I had to argue a bit more with my SO and so we arrived practically last at Nat & Rob's place. There I blew the top of the 'prank' right from the start by wishing Nat happy birthday and whether she loved the big mirror (which was the real present) that all of us got her. Amidst the cries of - she was supposed to open the other presents first (which were indeed in baskets on the table) - I pretended to be naive and agreed that those were the ones we were opening together with her for laughs. Anyway - our group are not really AH and things were adapted. To be fair many of the 'prank' presents werent that bad some Nat liked anyway, some were like useful but not really presents (pack of post-its which she uses frequently) and a few led to consternation for the giver when he had to explain why giving a mechanical toy dick was funny. Besides the toilet seat the most awful present was a ceramic dachshund with four (one missing) coffee cups hanging from its flanks (Nat has 2 dogs one of which is a dachshund), hideous doesnt cover it but because it was announced as joke it caused more laughs from everyone Nat included than anything else. Looking back I may have been a little harsh on my friends who probably werent mean spirited when this was thought up but the format - in my and your opinion apparently - really wasnt up to scratch. Doing it together was much better. Thank you all.