I (M16) recently lost my mother as recently as a few months ago and had to move in with my grandmother. She's raised alot of kids of her own and I thought she'd be fine to live with for the next 2 years but I was wrong.

So, I've been pretty depressed for years and hate opening up to anyone, only doing so if I'm basically forced to. I have 3 siblings, 2 of which are almost intolerable and I often have to keep my feelings to myself due to my grandma being preoccupied with the younger 2. I'm also pretty antisocial, I can't open up let alone talk to people without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack.

My grandma herself is pretty intolerable for the most part. I can't say anything without getting a "serious talk" because of it and almost restrained from talking to her on my own judgement completely.

So a few weeks ago, I told her that I hadn't made any new friends due to how anxious I get around people and she didn't seem to understand that, constantly getting to go outside. Every person that looked my age she forced me to talk to and I always thought my internal organs were going to burst out everytime she did that to me.

But the truth is, I DO in fact have friends...they just don't live in the area. I've established a long term friendship with a few friends that live outside of the state and kept it from her, afraid of her reaction. One day, I accidentally let it slip and she absolutely snapped.

She went through my electronics, demanded that I cut off contact with them and compared talking to people online to human trafficking. Then, she reprimanded me for lying and talked badly about her recently deceased daughter, repeatedly saying how clueless she is and how she raised us horribly. She then slammed her again in a phone call when she thought I was asleep and it was almost shattering to see her talk this bad about my mom.

Not long after that, she again criticized me for lying and said that she'd take my phone away if I'm keeping more stuff from her. Having friends, even just a couple, is a big deal for me and hard to accomplish.

AITA for lying to her about something I'd knew she'd lose her mind about?