This is an older story but I’ve thought about regularly over the years and I can’t tell if I was the asshole or not. So I thought I’d bring it here for judgment.

About 10 years ago I (f) was in my first serious relationship. We were both 23. Let’s call him Lucas. We had met at work, I was in grad school and working part time and he came on to work full time. Soon he decided to switch over to the sales department. About a year in we got a place together. About 6 months later he shares that he’s completely depressed as being in sales has not worked out for him. I ask him to find a new job before quitting. He doesn’t and asks for me to support this decision, and of course this means financial support as well.

When I was 24 I graduated and my brother, “Evan” (29m), flew in to celebrate and so he stayed with us. One of my best friends, “Monica” (24f), was living a few hours away and asked if she could stay. I figured, it’s a 2 bedroom, and we have a comfortable couch, so no problem. We agreed Evan would stay on the couch and Monica would stay in the guest room. Lucas chose not to go to my graduation because he said he’d been to plenty of others and didn’t feel like going. I pleaded with him that it would mean so much for him to be there, he refused. Whatever. After having a celebration meal with my family and friends, they all head to their homes and Evan and Monica head home with me and stayed for a few days. I believe on the second day, Lucas wakes me up in the middle of the night and he tells me that he can hear Evan and Monica being intimate. I said good for them, they’re both single. Not my business. He gets very upset and says they disrespected his home. I remind him they’re not in our room, they are two grown ass adults, and we are not there to parent them. This angers him and says I have to kick Evan out of the apartment. I get upset and remind him that this is not just his home and that I pay for the full rent, bills, food, and all other costs and would not be kicking my brother out who flew in and attended this graduation that he couldn’t be bothered to attend. He becomes so upset he says he can’t be in the same roof as him and goes to his car and sleeps in it. The next morning I talk to both Evan and Monica, which was incredibly awkward. I tried to see if Evan would provide some form of apology to Lucas since he was so upset about it, but he laughed it off saying he didn’t do anything wrong. Which I agreed with him. It’s important to clarify that Lucas didn’t seem to be this upset at Monica and felt that he knew her and that my brother was a stranger to him disrespecting our home. This created an incredibly tense environment for us all. Lucas and I never really resolved this and we sort of agreed to disagree, while he said that Evan and I were the assholes and I felt that he was the asshole for pressuring me to ask my brother to leave. Was I the asshole?

*we are no longer together